My dad...

It has been a terrible two months.  My dad died during a search and rescue on the 31st of March.  He picked up a trooper, Tage Toll, and went to locate an injured snow machiner.  They found him, and got him into the helicopter.  The flight to a waiting ambulance should have taken 5 minutes; but the weather was bad, and something went wrong.  AST lost contact with my dad.  The wreckage was found early the next morning, even though there was an extensive search on foot and snow machine that night.  As is the case with most aircraft crashes, there was a post-crash fire.  There was nothing left of Helo-1 but her tail and rotor.

Tage Toll had been with the troopers over 10 years.  He is survived by his wife, Nikki, and their three sons.

Not a minute goes by where I don't think about my dad.  He was a great dad; the best dad.  My family was so lucky to have him.  Amy loves him so much.  The time came the other day to talk to her about what happened.  She cried and cried, which means she understood.  Then we had a nice time talking about how wonderful her grandpa was.

His loss has been a devastating blow to my family.  We are close.  We were never ashamed of my dad, or embarrassed (well, maybe a little, but only because his pajama pants were usually too short and he loved the sci-fi channel).  He was the kind of dad you were incredibly proud of.  We knew the work he did was amazing and heroic, but he would never admit that.  It wasn't until his service and related gatherings that my sisters, mother, and I would learn the truth about what my dad did.  He saved lives.  He gave people hope.  He took people out of horrid situations where they were going to die, and brought them home to their families.  That is where my anger stems from.  Why did so many people get a rescue (or two, or three), and my dad didn't get one?

My sister, Ashley, called to tell me on Easter morning.  We had just finished finding eggs and sneaking little pieces of chocolate.  My phone was in the bedroom.  I had missed quite a few calls.  When Ash finally got a hold of me, I thought she was joking.  We are a big April Fools family, and it's not out of character to start a day before to get someone good.  This wasn't a joke.

I made it to Anchorage that night, and was there with Jeramie for just over 10 days.  Jeramie was amazing in getting my mom set up.  There is a lot to do when something like this happens.  But I can safely say we would not have survived had it not been for the troopers.  The trooper, Tim Cronin, who informed my mom of the accident stayed with us the entire week, taking care of everything and anything we could need.  He became a part of our family (he also knew and had flown with dad).  He fit in so well, we knew dad must have picked him out for us.  He even understood and appreciated our jokes. :)

From the moment the wreckage was found, to the moment dad's service was over, he and Tage were never alone.  There were troopers standing guard with them 24 hours a day.   When they were transported to Anchorage the roads were closed off by the fire department, and there was a processional for both my dad and Tage of no fewer than 70 patrol cars from both the troopers and police.  People got out of their cars to pay their respects.

In short, it has been a nightmare.  I couldn't even fully enjoy our trip to Vegas without feeling depressed as I watched the dozens of helicopter tours zoom overhead.  My dad is gone, and I will forever have this huge void in my heart. He was an amazing man who should still be here.  My dad went to work and he didn't come home.  Nothing can ever prepare you for that type of pain.  Nothing can ever make that okay or easier to deal with.

I love my dad so, so much.  I can't wait for the day when I see him again.  For now I have to take comfort in knowing that my guardian angel already knows how to fly.

Las Vegas 2013

Jeramie and I were able to get away for the long weekend.  I have never been to Vegas, and Jerm hasn't been since he was about 16.  It was a fun and fast couple of days.  We really missed the girls, but it was nice to spend time alone...with all the crazy Vegas people.  I mean, I saw a fully bearded man in a dress and wedding veil.  Crazy. :)

First stop- The Las Vegas Sign

Fremont Street; Downtown Las Vegas.  Interesting does not begin to describe this part of the trip.  There are some very colorful people here...and excellent Thai food. :)

And because I am a nerd...

At the top of the Stratosphere.  We got the great idea to walk from Fremont Street to the Stratosphere.  That's a long walk.

We started Sunday off at the Hoover Dam.

We took a dam tour and some dam pictures.

Ugh...the dam jokes could go on and on...

We took the electrical plant tour.  That is our group deep under ground.  

After the Hoover Dam we spent the rest of the day walking up and down the Strip.  The hotels and attractions there were amazing.  I would have loved for the girls to be there with us.  Amy would have been so excited to see some of the things we saw.

A huge bird made out of birdseed.

Pretty purple flowers that made me think of Amy.

The ceiling of a hotel...

The fountain display at the Bellagio

Amy and her grandpa...

The time came to tell Amy about grandpa.  She was very, very sad, but really loved talking about the fun she had with him, and looking at his picture.  She even asked me to put one in a frame and is keeping it in her room; she slept with it last night.  I miss my dad so much.  He was the best grandpa a little kid could ever want or have.

You can see how much she loves him.  She is so happy to have this picture.

Meggie's Pony Tail

Meg wanted her hair put up like her big sister's the other day. :)

A couple new pictures...

Mama and Miss Amy May

Meg loves wearing hats.  Here she is before school yesterday.

Fun with crepes...

Who's the coolest mom???  I am!  I am!! :)

New videos...

The girls playing the iPad

Amy making sweet music

More sweet music by Amy

Meggie being a silly girl

Butterfly Art

The first graders did a fun Butterfly Art project this past week.  We had an artist come in and teach the kids the basics of drawing, tracing, and painting a butterfly, then she went over the canvases with her "magic" black paint brush.  It was one of the funnest days I have ever had in school.  I even made two paintings for the girls.  They are now on display in their rooms.

A few of my student's pieces...

Amy's butterfly

Meggie's butterfly

Sisters...

Our beautiful girls this week...

Meggie trying out the dress-up shoes 

Amy lounging in the sun after a hard day at school. :) 

Meg doing her chores around the house 

Sweet Bettie girl